Today's post is about my immediate family and, for those of you who don't know me, I have been estranged from my father, mother, and two sisters for at least 20 years. Thankfully, I still maintain a relationship with my maternal grandmother, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Also, I have an extended family in Dora's family. Last week (Wednesday), I received a phone call at work from my sister regarding our so-called "father." She said, "I hate to call you at work, but I felt you should know about our father. I know how you feel about our parents and you have every right to have those feelings. But I feel obligated to tell you that he is in the hospital and he is not going to make it." Agitated that she called me in the first place, I immediately asked, "And how does this concern me?" She replied, "I knew you would feel that way, but like I said, I felt obligated to tell you because I know no one will do it." I said, "Johnny [our father's name] does not concern me." For the rest of the day, I was livid but put on a "poker face" of sorts to not alarm my coworkers.
I have been "dead" in my immediate family's eyes for eyes. Why trouble me with trivial things now? I didn't matter before, why now? My sister has been wanting to re-establish a relationship with me since the passing of my Uncle Mike. I'm thinking: "What for? Is it because my mother decided to sever her ties with my sister...et once again? It's not happening! No way! No how! It took me a few years to fill the void my family left when they decided to "write me off." It's been too long. I have learned to bury the past and I'd like to leave it there. Trust me people, I have honestly entertained the idea of a "sister reunion," but in the end, the thought pisses me off, puts me in a immensely dark place, and I hate the feeling. I don't want it and I won't have it!
Then, on Saturday, my father's brother calls me and leaves me a voice mail message: "Sara, I really need to talk to you concerning your daddy. Call me back if you don't mind." I thought, "You're fuckin' kidding me! 'Daddy'--since when was my father a 'daddy?' He was a monster. He was a self-centered asshole! Give me a fuckin' break!" Needless to say, I did not return the call. He called again shortly thereafter. I ignored it.
The next day, my Uncle Rain called me to relay some information he received through my aunt and grandmother. My so-called "father" passed Saturday afternoon around 3:00. I guess my father's brother was calling me because time was short. Once again, I thought: "And all of this concerns me HOW!?"
Dora found out Sunday that a rosary was held Sunday evening. Dora found the obit, which was published in the Odessa American:
ODESSA Johnny Salcido Ornelas, 60, died Saturday, October 16, 2010 at Hospice House of Odessa.
Rosary was said at 7:30 pm Sunday at Acres West Funeral Chapel, followed by a memorial service. Services were by Acres West Funeral Chapel and Crematory.
He was born in Balmorhea. He was Catholic.
SURVIVORS Daughters, Sara Ornelas of Midland, Jeanette Ornelas Alvarez of Odessa and Leslie Bernal of Odessa; sons, Jonathan Benavides and Nicholas Benavides, both of Odessa; brothers, Smiley Ornelas and Larry Ornelas of Roswell, N.M., Juan Salcido and Manuel Salcido of Pecos and Dennis Webber of Odessa; sisters, Connie Orona, Margarita Rodriguez and Lecha Dutchover, all of Odessa; and five grandchildren.
Allow me to make two things perfectly clear:
1. I HATE HAVING MY NAME ATTACHED TO THIS MAN! I AM NOT HIS DAUGHTER! WHAT A COMPLETE FARCE!
2. JOHNNY SALCIDO ORNELAS WAS A HORRIBLE HUSBAND, AND AS A FATHER, HE COMPLETELY SUCKED EVEN WORSE! HE WAS A MANIPULATIVE S.O.B. WHO ONLY THOUGHT OF HIMSELF AT ALL TIMES! HE MAY NOT HAVE PHYSICALLY ABUSED HIS DAUGHTERS, BUT HE WAS EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE, WHICH IS JUST AS BAD, IF NOT WORSE, ON CERTAIN LEVELS. BRUISES GO AWAY. EMOTIONAL BRUISES DO NOT.
Is there anything I would say to him now? Abso-fucking-lutely! Johnny, though you had your family around you in your final hour, you deserved to die alone!!!!!
There...I have said my peace!
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